Happy New Year!

On this last day of 2008 I find myself mostly thinking about the later half of the year that was so packed with recession, terrorism,  politics.. Not the nice stuff.. So much so that I have forgotten numerous nice things that have happened in the earlier half of the year!! I think we all have a short term memory loss problem!! 

But I am already sure that the new year is going to bring a lot of reasons to cheer! Professionally as well as personally for me!! Economically and politically for all of us! Even as I write this the cynic part of me is scowling and grinning scarcastically! But I am just reminded of something S had said when we were debating when to get married (and whether!! ;) ). And he said quite nonchalantly that we need to now change our set of problems! That's it! The problems will be omnipresent! So long as we face a different one each day we shall feel alive! (and kicking!!)  

Happy New Year to all of you!! Party hard and hope there are ever more reasons to party in 2009!!  

Grhhh...

Dear office holder who gives planning permissions,

Please understand that we like to eat ice-cream in a waffle cone. You are giving us only the waffle cone. However nice that might taste, we like it WITH ice-cream. Get that???

Disgruntled Planner/Developer.

The Women

Watched a movie recently called The Women. Awesome stuff!! Please click the link for the propah review/synopsis. I loved it because of how easily I could relate to the movie!! The movie is so - -  'women'!!! There is one conversation in the movie which I felt has caught the essence of the roller coaster, love hate emotions all of us experience and it aptly showcases what friendships are to women! (you can stop reading now 'cos this maybe a really boring read if you have not understood what I have just written!!!)

The situation is such that one of the women - Mary (Meg Ryan) is confronting Sylvie (Annette Bening) for 'counselling' her daughter(Molly - pre-teen, super confused, suffering parent's possible divorce etc). This is on the background of the fact that Sylvie has 'betrayed' Mary. It goes something like this:

M: (Very angry) Hey, I wanna know what you've been talking to my daughter about

S: I promised her I wouldn't discuss it

M: She is having emotional problems and now you decide to be discreet?

S: I just thought she needed a safe place to be... 

M: (cuts her mid-sentence) I am the safe place, okay? That is my job. Not yours. I am the mother. Not you.

S: She said she loves me.

M: Ya? You never have to say No. You show me the stretch marks baby, and you can do all the mothering you want! And what is this? (pointing at the casual attire of Sylvie who is very particular about formal dressing..) A casual Friday? Its Wednesday.

S: Ya. I know. (sounding clearly upset)

M: What's wrong?

S: Nothing.

M: Something.

S: Look, let's just drop it okay? I didn't mean to cause problem. I was just tying to help. 

M: Don't you  ever get tired of saying that?

S: (Angrily) How dare you reprimand me for stepping in where you should have been all along?? You've not been there for your daughter, Mary. You've not been there for anybody. How could you be when you are not willing to face the hard stuff?

M: Don't you criticise me? Let me ask you something. Now that Molly (Mary's daughter) trusts you are you going to betray her like you did me??

S: Do you have any idea how hard it is to be your friend? I have done everything to make it up to you. What more do you want??

M: I want to know how can you sell out your best friend? I hope that job is worth it Sylvie 'cos that's all you've got.

S: I QUIT MY JOB.

M: What? (incredulous)

S: What else could I do? I was making terrible compromises.

M: I can't believe you quit.

S: I mean how could I be so outta whack that I sold out my best friend.

M: Well, you were in an impossible situation. Of course you wanted to keep your job. That's what you do and you are great at it. 

S: Its nothing compared to being responsible for a child. I mean I don't know how you do it!

M: C'mon! I am a terrible mother. I can't even talk to my daughter about sex. 

(Both are still shouting on the road)

S: Well, its easy for me. I wasn't there changing her diapers

M: (Earnestly) I know. thank you for helping me out. You are doing a real big favour. Thank you very much, god damn it, thank you!

S: Anything I can do. you have a huge job. Huge. So glad I never had children..... 

(after calming down a little)

God I am  exhausted

(They flop of some steps)

M: Oh! what a mess

S: I like you hair though!

(And they get into a giggle frenzy!!!!!!)

M: I got my divorce papers today. I have to do this but I can't seem to find a pen to sign (on the brink of tears)

S: Mary its okay

M: (now crying) you know what this feels like? It feels like the phantom limb syndrome where you remove a part o your body but you still have sensation that it is there.... 

S: I am sure Steven (cheating husband of Mary) feels the same

M: I am not talking about me and Steven! I am talking about you and me... (sob sob)

S: awwwwwwww (sob sob)

Hug hug!!! 

:) 

About those friends...

I wrote this a while ago and a friend ( :) Thanks Sameer!) commented on it yesterday itself, just in time for yet another post that was brewing in my head. This December is the season when a lot of my friends have decided to visit from wherever the work and life has taken them. We had been planning the get-together, small trips etc for last six months and I have had a lot of fun past few weeks when those plans have actually translated into action. All these people I have been friends with for over 12 years and we have seen each other's good, bad and ugly! Though everyone manages to spring a surprise once in a while (pleasant or otherwise!) we largely know what to expect. More importantly we have accepted each other for what we are!


Meeting friends after a long time (couple of years at least) and with newer additions, be it spouses or kids, is always a mildly traumatic experience for me! I keep hoping that I shall meet the person I have known. I keep hoping that fundamentals have not changed though circumstances have. I hope the changed circumstances have only brought happiness and smiles or learning and maturity. Not bitterness, not sadness, not the distance at any rate. I keep hoping we shall be ourselves with each other and won't have to don a persona, that we won't mind voicing our opinions, however silly, without fearing being looked down upon. I hope that these people won't hesitate to tell me I am doing something all wrong. And won't mind getting a piece of mind from me. I keep hoping I shall learn to respect their priorities and they will understand mine - however distinct those maybe! Most importantly there would be no judgement.

And bless them, I was not disappointed on any count at all!! (I just hope I did not disappoint them either..) At one of these meetings we were chatting up and a friend whom I had lost touch with for good 12-13 years had shown up! It was amazing to see him having changed and yet not! He was one of those carefree creatures. Now he has twin baby girls!!

My brother, Sid, was visiting for the first time after his wedding. So his wife was a big 'x' factor. And to say I was apprehensive would be an understatement of a century. But seems there was nothing to worry about! He the happiest person on earth! And the wife's a complete sweetheart!! He has a changed a great deal from what I knew Sid to be but he is still the same!! Do you know what I mean??

I have spent a lot of time on free saturday evening with yet another school friend of mine who is visitng with her baby girl! We have been together through school, college and till date though we are and have been for a while as apart as possible geographically and we have not been great at keeping in touch regularly. We have even grown up to be two women with as distinct preferences, priorities, lifestyles, natures, personalities, choices as possible! But we picked from from where we left so effortlessly! I am so me when I am with her. I can say so many things to her that I possibly cannot to anyone else and would like to think that she feels the same! There are things which need not even be mentioned but are understood. With her I do not carry any baggage of being anyone at all! I am not judged as a 'that person working there', neither as a 'wife of that person' nor as a 'daughter of someone'. I am me! And it is an amazing feeling!!

So amazing that my eyes sting!!

....

All I have is a dozen or so unfinished drafts on the whole 26th November 2008, Mumbai siege. But nothing I can really bring myself to post.. Why? Maybe because it is too close to heart.. Maybe because I do not have solutions.. Not even suggestions.. And I have a lot of anger.. Nations needs anger - a friend has written.. and two days later she wrote nation needs anger channelised.. I agree.. And more.. I do not know how well I am channelising my anger.. And I do not want to preach how should you either.. I just know I do not want to forget or forgive.. I do not want to be resilient.. I do not want to get used to.. I will not let myself be terrorised.. I shall fight the terror I feel within..

I can not post anything else without posting something about this.. I feel as if I am betraying someone.. Myself maybe..