Married couples…Friends…Foes…

When do two married people stop being friends and become only husband and wife…??? Well the question as always is also if they ever were friends?!! But let us assume amidst the chemical extravaganza in the brain two individuals who are in (lovvvvveeee) a relationship and intend on committing for a better part of their lives, develop a special bond of friendship. Then do they and why do they lose it upon saying “till death do us apart..”?

She keeps complaining that he does not have time for her anymore and he is too busy in his work to talk to her and spend time with her. “Oh, how different it used to be when we were courting…this marriage…he takes me for granted now…I have become a fixture in his life…” Hey, girl whatever happened to your best friend? Or if both the parties are dead busy in their offices (a case more likely..) she complains of him not being accommodative enough of her schedules! “You know before marriage he would wait for me for hoooouuuurs and now his patience runs out in a matter of minutes…”

He thinks she, all the time wants him to take her out, for dinners, partying, holidaying….the list is virtually endless! “her beest friend’s hubby takes her out on 'amaaaazing' (with a sneer) candle lit dinners every single weekend….such a bozo…god only knows how he can afford it!” Then it is the saga of who does which chores in the house! “She hates to cook you know…..My goooooodd…” A typical Indian male once exclaimed. The wife squirmed and looked away. And then suddenly the baby the wifey is expecting became ‘her child’ or ‘his child’. “I never wanted it so soon in the first place..”, one of the parties said.

I wonder whatever happened to those two people I had met who had told me, “We are getting married!” with a twinkle in all four eyes. When did ‘He’ start taking her out instead of them going out together and when did ‘she’ start making meals instead of them experimenting in the kitchen? Is the marriage not about doing things together? Sharing a day, a month, a year ….life….why do couples fall into this age old trap? The ‘we’ part of living a life together vanishes and bitter quarrels and tantrums overtake the life.

Do the couples understand and foresee this transformation when they are so deeply, madly, well, at times almost maniacally in love with each other? Or is it considered as a given in the marriage? If yes then why? I am sure as hell nobody likes it this way. But then why does no one attempt to avoid it? ….hmmmmmm