I miss my friends...
Met a lot of people in past 2-3 decades…more consciously in past 2 decades.
Some friends and some acquaintances and a lot of them in between the two categories.
I always enjoyed the journey of me and the person in question from an acquaintance to a friend.
A colleague who is no more working with me asking me if there still is a steaming coffee mug by my side as I am working and enquiring about the book I am carrying in bag or the sheer joy felt after meeting a school/undergrad college classmate – who was just that – a classmate. Such things transport these individuals a level up – towards friends’ category away from acquaintances!
A person who shares your cubicle, your bus/train route, your gym timings or even your favorite hang-out sometimes manages to creep into your life – slowly and steadily and become friends!
Kids of parents’ friends – whom you have played with and taken holidays with – lose touch as everyone grows up. But then suddenly out of the blues you decide to catch up. Parents are already out of the equation and you realise you bond better than perhaps you ever did as kids! Warmth fills your heart as you feel your friend circle being enriched by yet another priceless individual!
The real trouble for me is however letting go of those people whom I have held so close to my heart, who have been my dear friends, confidantes, who – I thought – knew me so well and accepted me for what I am and not for what (they think) I should be! People whom I thought I shall play cards with when I get really old and lose money!!
Some friends from school just faded away to begin with. I told myself it was meant to be! After all we all are so young and have distinct priorities. The pattern repeated itself – though less intensely – post undergraduate and graduate education. I was too busy working to notice it perhaps.. Then there have been weddings and kids and the demanding jobs. And of course as always lack of time.
In spite of all this some people managed to be close to heart. No matter how long it is that I have not met them, every time we meet, it’s a joyous occasion. There is never a dearth of topics to discuss and days can blend into nights if we decide to catch up. Hearts fill up with happiness and eyes get moist!
But then some others who even if you keep meeting more often, whom you speak with regularly just begin to lose meaning. You have nothing to discuss. It is as if you live on different planets.
And one day it hits you – all of a sudden. That person is just an acquaintance now. He/she is no more who he/she was. Or I am no more the same person I once used to be. Or the situation has changed.
What bothers me most however is that I never thought those relationships were so fragile. I thought we had a friendship that might not be affected by changing situations. I never thought we shall doubt the basics, the foundations, the core of it all… I never thought we shall not be able to talk about it, about the growing distance between us, about things that have been bothering us.. I thought changes in me or the other person can be looked at as phases (like we used to once upon a time…) and the relationship will remain unaffected…untouched…
But apparently not. Apparently Not…
